In Coping with Intimate Partner Violence, Women’s Beliefs About Forgiveness Matter

Women who experience intimate partner violence (IPV) often feel pressured to forgive their abusers and remain in dangerous relationships. However, forgiveness does not have to include reconciliation and it may be conceptualized in different ways. This quantitative study surveyed 110 women who experienced IPV from men and separated from their abusers. It then examined (a) the prevalence of 20 different beliefs about forgiveness and (b) the relationship between those beliefs, the women’s self-reported practices of forgiveness, and the women’s intent to return to their abusers. The study asked whether different beliefs about forgiveness were—in combination with different levels of forgiveness—associated with intent to return to abusers. It found that women’s beliefs about forgiveness varied widely, but only 4.6% of the women believed that forgiveness involved reconciliation. In contrast, 80% of the women believed it was simultaneously possible to forgive and to avoid the men who hurt them. When interaction analyses were conducted, significant interactions were found between three beliefs and women’s self-reported practices of forgiveness. For two beliefs, the interactions were positively associated with intent to return to abusers (i.e., a belief that forgiveness involves reconciliation, and a belief that forgiveness involves treating a person better than before). For one belief, the interaction was negatively associated with intent to return (i.e., the belief that it is possible both to forgive and to avoid a person). Results suggest that women’s beliefs about forgiveness matter. Women are more likely to return to abusers if they believe forgiveness involves reconciliation or treating their abusers better than before. They are less likely to return, if they believe it is possible to forgive their abusers and still avoid them. Interventions targeting women’s beliefs about forgiveness may increase their safety.